Contrary to popular belief, bickering and anger are not necessarily signs of a failed marriage (see also "Is it true that love is the absence of conflict?"). After several years of research, scientists came to this conclusion under the guidance of John Gottman, professor of psychology at the University of Washington.
Gottman and his colleagues videotaped the conversations of 130 newlywed couples. With the help of electrocardiograms and sensors, the researchers determined the psychological characteristics of the statements and gave them a proper assessment.
Scientists have found that in stable relationships, bickering and anger can be a way to work through problems together. However, this is true only if they are not accompanied by sarcasm and contempt. After all, secrecy, contempt and taking a defensive position by one of the spouses are the most powerful family destroyers.
According to American psychologists, the most dangerous situations for marital relations are those when the wife provokes a negative reaction from the husband, and when the husband seeks to dominate the family. Professor Gottman noted that a marriage will be happy if a man is sympathetic to the influence of his wife. And to smooth out acute situations in the family, psychologists advise using humor.
We also recommend:
◆How stable is a marriage if the spouses are too different?
◆The main secrets of family happiness: advice from psychologists
