Do you scream at a child?

Many parents believe that requests do not work on their children, only screaming helps. However, almost any healthy child willingly responds to requests if they are treated with respect.

The well-known psychiatrist, specialist in family relations and parenting, Ross Campbell, writes the following on this issue:

“If, in demanding proper behavior, parents generally rely on orders the child can be obedient. But he is inclined to obey only because mom and dad demand it, and not at all because it is better to behave in this way in his opinion. He will not look to his parents as allies who are trying in his own interests. The child will consider that they require good behavior for the sake of order, silence, in order to be considered good educators, in short, for their own interests.

Some parents fear that, having turned to the child with a request, they will show “softness”, an inability to insist on their own. This, of course, is not true. When addressing children with requests, parents choose the most effective, reasonable, pleasant and delicate way to convey their wishes. It is especially important that the requests appeal to the child's sense of personal responsibility. Then he will feel that he is as responsible for his behavior as the parents, who are sure that he will fulfill their request. The fact that the child has an instinctive knowledge that he has a choice of how to behave is very important for his future development harmonious development.

Do you scream at a child?

And a little about what consequences constant screams from parents can lead to. Izvestia psychologist, author of several popular books M.E. Litvak writes:

“Screaming will win not love, but hatred. So don't yell at the one you love. From shouting, both the one who shouts and the one who is shouted at become stupid. By shouting, you can quickly achieve the formal execution of your order, but this will make a person stop thinking independently and become stupid. And what happens to those who scream? He receives positive reinforcement and a signal that there is no need to think, that everything can be achieved by shouting, and he also becomes stupid. The leader (teacher, parent) does not receive feedback from the one who is yelling at, thinks and believes that everything is fine.