Dale Carnegie's Principles for Success

American writer and motivational lecturer Dale Carnegie (1888–1955) is considered one of the pioneers in the self-help industry. His training programs were extremely successful, with employees from Audi, BMW, Coca-Cola, Oracle, and Honda taking Carnegie courses. He proved that the most successful in life and business are not those who have technical know-how, but people with developed social and communication skills.

We invite you to get acquainted with Dale Carnegie's valuable and actionable tips that will help you achieve success in all areas of life.

 

Fundamental Communication Techniques

Below are 3 key communication techniques from Dale Carnegie to help you communicate effectively.

 

1. Refuse criticism and judgment

The famous American psychologist Burres Frederick Skinner proved that an animal rewarded for good behavior learns much faster and more efficiently than an animal punished for bad behavior.

Further research has shown that this principle also applies to people: criticism does not produce positive results. Man is a creature that is guided, first of all, by emotions, and only then by logic. Negative comments hurt pride and ego, so criticism is not able to direct the dialogue in a productive direction.

If the behavior of the interlocutor annoys you, do not rush to voice your thoughts. Think about the reasons for this behavior and tell yourself, “I have to forgive him because…” and complete the sentence with an open mind. This will free you from the desire to criticize and condemn.

 

2. Express sincere appreciation

Most basic needs are met by people on their own. But there is one deep-rooted desire that is rarely realized: the desire to be significant, appreciated.

Let other people know that you appreciate them. Words of sincere gratitude can increase the responsiveness and motivation of your interlocutor, become the driving force behind success.

 

3. Give people what they want

Let's say your favorite dessert is biscuit cake. Great choice! Now imagine that you went fishing and baited a cake instead of a worm. How many fish do you think you will catch? Most likely, not enough, because the fish does not like cake, but prefers worms.

In other words, give people what they want, not what you like. Learn to see things from the other person's point of view, and motivate them to do what you want by pointing out the benefits they will receive. To do this, ask yourself 2 questions: “How can I make him want to do this?” and “How to phrase it in terms of his needs?”

Don't be selfish in communication. Remember that in front of you is a living person with a unique inner world, go deep and do not limit yourself to superficial communication.

 

6 ways to make like-minded people out of people

Carnegie's methods are the building blocks of social intelligence, not psychological tricks. Use them to improve your communication skills.

 

1. Avoid Arguments

People often feel a burning desire to argue, especially when they are absolutely convinced that they are right. But what is the dispute? Why prove to someone that he is wrong? Why not just let the interlocutor save face if you get nothing but a sense of superiority?

According to Carnegie, it is impossible to win an argument. If you are wrong, you lose the argument; if you are right, you make the other person feel worse, hurt his pride. In other words, you lose again.

 

2. Respect other people's opinions, never say "You're wrong" to your interlocutor

The phrase "You're wrong" sounds like a challenge. It provokes the desire to fight, automatically turning the interlocutor into an opponent.

Instead of "You're wrong," say, "I think differently, and I admit that I could be wrong. If I'm wrong, I want to know why. Let's discuss this." This approach is disarming and makes the other person be reasonable and even thank you for understanding.

 

3. Address the person by name

A name is the embodiment of a person's personality. The habit of calling the interlocutor by name is a great way to make him feel important. If you don't mention a person's name in a conversation or pronounce it incorrectly, you give the impression that you are not interested in him.

 

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves

Remember that the people you are talking to are focused on themselves and their problems, not on you. Aim to be 75% listening and 25% talking.

 

5. Talk about topics that are interesting to the interlocutor

Talking from the point of view of the interests of the other person benefits both parties.

 

6. Make the other person feel important without asking for anything in return

Give your warmth to those who need it, without waiting for payment. Carnegie wrote: “If a person is so selfish that he is not able to sincerely and freely share good with others, then his soul is no better than a rotten apple and life will inevitably “reward” him with failure.”

These methods are not something radically new, but despite their common knowledge, they are rarely practiced regularly. Make it a daily habit and you can create a team of people who share your interests.

 

How to win over people and get them to do what you need

Carnegie did not call to become a manipulator, but taught to be persuasive. If you want people to like you, inspire trust, and get what you want, use the tips below.

 

1. If you know you're wrong, admit it

By quickly and decisively admitting guilt, you make the other person feel important, thus increasing their self-esteem. After that, the interlocutor has no choice but to take a forgiving position and show mercy to you.

 

2. Start a conversation in a friendly way

If you start a conversation being annoyed with the other person, then you will surely have a great time pouring out your negative feelings on him. But can a belligerent attitude and contemptuous tone win the interlocutor to your side?

When you come to a person with fists, you will see fists in return. When the interlocutor is negative, you will not be able to persuade him to your point of view, no matter how logical the arguments are. Try to soften your approach by starting the conversation in a friendly way and keeping your tone calm. Spend at least five minutes of pleasant conversation before discussing a sensitive issue.

 

3. Have your opponent say “Yes” at the beginning of the conversation

At the beginning of any conversation, be sure to tell the interlocutor that you are both striving for the same result; your differences are in the methods, not the goal. Get the person to agree with you as soon as possible. So he will be open to dialogue.

The key is to keep your opponent from saying no. The person who said “no” automatically goes into a state of defense, the level of perception decreases, he becomes focused not on the dialogue, but on whether they agree with him or not.

 

4. Let the other person talk

During communication, it is often tempting to interrupt the interlocutor to speak. Carnegie strongly recommended that this should not be done. A person will not pay attention to your arguments until he fully voices his own thoughts. Listen patiently and with an open mind, genuinely encouraging the person to share their ideas.

 

5. Make the person feel like they own the brilliant idea

Nobody likes to act on someone else's orders. People prefer to have autonomy and act according to their own motives.

Your task is to guide the person along the path that is beneficial to you, allowing him to draw a final conclusion.

 

6. See things from the other person's point of view

Success in communication depends on the ability to clearly understand the point of view of another person. Ask yourself the question: “How would I feel and how would I react if I were in the place of the interlocutor?”

Yes, this skill will take time to develop, but it will help you avoid conflict and frustration, and get the best results from communication.

 

7. Describe your ideas colorfully

To get attention, you must present your ideas in a lively, interesting, and even dramatic way. Carnegie recommended being a bit of a showman, finding creative ways to attract attention that could arouse other people's feelings.

Follow these principles daily and you will become a master in the art of human relationships.

 

How to become a leader and influence others

If you want to learn how to influence people without the use of force, to lead them and achieve the desired results, take into service 4 simple tips from Dale Carnegie on this topic.

 

1. Praise people

Start a dialogue with laudatory words about the strengths of the interlocutor. Praise as often as possible, noting even minor improvements, this will motivate the other person to continue to improve. And remember, praise seems more sincere if it's specific.

 

2. Point out other people's mistakes indirectly

Many people start their criticism with praise, followed by a "but" and a negative statement. In this case, the interlocutor feels inspired until he hears a “but”, which makes him doubt the sincerity of the initial praise. Change "but" to "and" when you plan to give a critical assessment, then the reaction to the remark will not be sharp.

 

3. Ask questions, don't give orders

Forget the phrases "do this", "don't do this", etc. Ask more often: "Could you consider this?" or “Do you think this will work?” By asking questions, you give people the opportunity to correct their mistakes, maintain their pride, and feel their importance.

 

4. Give the person credit

Let your interlocutor know that you see potential in him, and then he will want to live up to your expectations.

Effective leaders don't just command, they inspire, persuade, and encourage, strengthening their influence to lead people toward a common goal.

 

Keys to a Successful Career

Carnegie was born into a poor farmer's family and, through hard work, became a world-famous writer and lecturer. We invite you to get acquainted with six valuable lessons for achieving success in your career from this amazing person.

 

1. Take risks

Do not lower your career bar by accepting the role of a mediocre employee. To achieve success in your career, you must set ambitious goals for yourself, backing up your ambitions with real, daily actions.

 

2. Be inspired

To succeed in your endeavors, you must always be on the rise. To do this, you need to adhere to the position "do what you love, love what you do." If you're feeling overwhelmed, start "playing enthusiastic" by doing the job as if you're enjoying it immensely, and you'll soon find yourself genuinely excited.

 

3. Love your job

If you want to grow in your career, you must learn to love your job. Then the solution of daily tasks will bring pleasure, and the salary will become a pleasant bonus to daily joy. Therefore, Carnegie recommended building a career in the profession that you like.

 

4. Learn from mistakes

Humans tend to make mistakes. Wisdom lies in learning to learn from defeats useful lessons. Failure can be a springboard to success if you are able to analyze it with an open mind and draw conclusions that will help prevent a repeat failure.

No one becomes a champion overnight, but only he wins who knows how to withstand the blows of fate and does not give up after the first defeat.

 

5. Do not be afraid

Face your fear: imagine the worst-case scenario, and plan in advance what you will do if it comes true. Feel the horror of the situation and continue to move towards your goal every day. Over time, you will understand that fear is just a trick of the mind, and learn to ignore it.

 

6. Prioritize

Try to solve important and difficult tasks very first. Use your common sense to distinguish the things that will really bring you profit from the mundane tasks, and prepare an appropriate schedule to complete them all at the scheduled time.

Life is a chance. To succeed, Carnegie called for daring, acting and believing in victory.

 

Books written by Dale Carnegie

Carnegie has written nearly 200 books that help people develop interpersonal, public speaking, and sales skills. Below is a list of the bestsellers of the brilliant writer and lecturer, which we definitely recommend taking note of:

We wish you pleasant reading and believe that the valuable experience that Carnegie shares in the pages of his books will benefit you.

The main message of Dale Carnegie can be formulated as follows: cooperation is the key to well-being; stop being selfish, do selfless deeds for other people.

Source: 4brain.ru