Truth is born in a dispute: is it true or not?

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Debate, discussion, controversy, dispute, debate, discussion – all these are synonyms for one word "dispute". Surely you have noticed that some people often express an ardent desire to argue. Think and remember, does communication with such people bring joy? Do you want to return to the conversation with them again and again? Rather, your answer will be negative. Why so?

Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy also noted:

“Truth is forgotten in disputes. The one who is smarter stops the argument.”

It turns out that more than a century ago it was considered senseless and stupid to start an argument, but this form of discussion has survived to this day. And the reason here lies in the fact that we are positioning the dispute as a way to search for the truth. But the truth, as you know, everyone has their own. Does this mean the absolute meaninglessness of the emerging discussion? Not at all. We often hear about political debates, discussions during scientific meetings, discussions in the course of work in some organizations, etc. Of course, in such situations one cannot speak of a meaningless conversation, since the results of these discussions are important decisions that help in practice.

Nevertheless, the dispute, which will be discussed below, has the goal of imposing one's opinion, persuading the opponent, defending one's point of view. Let's find out why people generally like to argue.

 

Reasons for disputes

Here are a few reasons why people constantly prove their point of view:

 

Low self-esteem

Indeed, think about it: will a person who is confident in himself, convinced of his opinion, argue and prove his point of view? A full-fledged person does not need anyone's approval, and also does not seek to impose his position on others, it is enough for her to believe in what she considers right (not to be confused with arrogance and belief in her own exclusivity).

 

Heightened self-esteem

Yes, we will immediately point out the opposite reason for initiating discussions – too much self-confidence in one's convictions, reaching aggression and active suggestion. Impatience for other people's opinions due to the exclusion of alternative points of view is a typical feature of a person with high self-esteem.

 

Unwillingness to be changed

This or that dispute is more aimed at acquiring new knowledge, considering the problem from a different angle, from a different point of view, but not every person is able to perceive the information correctly. As a rule, people do not like to change the coordinate system they are used to. A person must come to such changes himself. Pushing him to do this is a good idea, but not always justified.

 

Vampirism

There is nothing mystical here, just some people really need to receive someone else's energy in this way. Taking it away from the opponent, they enjoy the process, sometimes using easy tricks and traps. Therefore, be careful, do not fall for simple tricks and stay away from energy vampire debaters.

Truth is born in a dispute: is it true or not?

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However, despite the above reasons, sometimes even a completely adequate and normal person may have a desire to argue, including in situations where this is not required at all. How to get rid of this habit?

 

Learning not to argue

First you need to realize that often there is nothing constructive and useful in the dispute. In other words, it is completely useless, and here's why: imagine there is a person with an established system of values, with his own view of the world, with his own vision of the situation and understanding of what is happening. And then at some point you appear with the opposite opinion, and begin to convince your interlocutor. Naturally, you will cause resentment, your words will seem unnecessary, wrong, destructive.

Understand: if a person wants to reconsider this or that situation, he will come to this on his own and, perhaps, he will initiate a conversation with you if you adhere to this new, more correct view. All new ideas, meanings, opinions come to us through awareness, which is achieved after a time saturated with events, communication, reflections. Perhaps your opponent is not yet ready for this idea, for him it is too innovative and even revolutionary in some sense. Therefore, there is absolutely no point in proving it.

Another way to get rid of the desire to argue is to understand that there is no right and wrong, because life is too many-sided. If you prove to your conversation partner that the universe evolved according to the Big Bang theory (read about it on wikipedia), and he is convinced of the theological concept of the development of living things, then your debate is useless, not only because you cannot be convinced because of your adherence to your views, but also because there is simply no answer to this question. Think about it, all unanswered questions are, as a rule, the subject of a dispute. But the point is that there is no single right answer! This means that there will be no conclusion from the dispute, at least a reasonable one.

Accessible, interesting and metaphorically presented information that the dispute is an empty pastime, in the video below:

In the video player, you can turn on subtitles and select their translation into any language in the settings

It should also be understood that an argument is, as a rule, a procedure containing a combination of precisely negative emotions, such as aggression, indignation, anger, anger, indignation, sometimes fear, despair.

Suppose you realized that arguing is only to your own detriment, but it’s like with sweets – “I know that it’s harmful, but, after all, the infection pulls...” If you are still overcome by the desire to argue, well, argue with yourself ! Sit near the mirror or turn on the front camera of your phone and enjoy... You start to take out all the ardor and heat on your interlocutor, pick up arguments, build a logical chain, attack or defend, in general, everything is real. At the same time, check how you look during the argument and decide whether you like it or not. And if you record “mono-debates” on video, after the time has passed, you can have a good laugh.

Truth is born in a dispute: is it true or not?

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We hope that you have accepted the fact that arguing is practically useless and, in fact, a waste of time. Further, we recommend that you isolate yourself from people who want to constantly argue. How to recognize them? It turns out that there are specific "signals" suggesting that there is a person nearby who does not mind spending time arguing. Let's take a look at these characteristics.

 

Signs of avid debaters

So, the following features can serve as obvious danger signals for the emergence of a dispute.

 

Omniscience

As a rule, disputants can find an answer to any question, they understand all topics and understand absolutely everything (although they don’t really understand it). It is obvious that a reasonable and adequate person is able to admit his incompetence on some issue, and he knows that this will not be a shame – it is simply impossible to understand everything.

 

Excessive emotional support for similar thoughts

Excessive emotionality is another feature of the debaters. Obviously, such people have a lot of energy, which they draw, including from disputes (remember the emotional vampirism here ☛). If they hear that someone supports their point of view or expresses a supporting concept, delight and joy overflow, enthusiasm is added and a different position is rejected.

 

Lack of consistency

Scientific concepts, the sequence of arguments, the construction of connections, etc. – all this is not about debaters. As a rule, in discussions they rely on facts, the consistency and irrefutability of which is difficult to prove, or on their own experience, which is similarly difficult to verify.

 

Unambiguity and overconfidence

It implies the impossibility of the existence of another point of view. You see, life is so multifaceted and contradictory that it is sometimes difficult to understand what the truth is. It is sometimes said about disputes: "talking about one slice of an orange or another does not mean that you are talking about the whole orange." Indeed, clinging to some facts, tiny knowledge of any area, it is difficult to imagine how capacious and unknown the issue under discussion is. So beware of overconfident people who dismiss all doubts during discussions.

Truth is born in a dispute: is it true or not?

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Undoubtedly, such people still come across on the path of life, they can even be among relatives and friends. To avoid conflicts and quarrels, it is necessary for everyone to look for their own approach.

 

Small bonus

In conclusion, I would like to outline the disputes that have reached the level of the global scientific community and have affected the lives of each of us:

  • Thomas Huxley and Samuel Wilberforce regarding the theory of Charles Darwin (read about it on wikipedia).
  • Alfred Wegener vs. All (dispute regarding the existence of one supercontinent, Pangea).
  • The war of the currents of Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla (which current is better: direct or alternating). We told both of these stories in the article "Misconceptions about the light bulb and Edison".

Dale Carnegie once remarked:

“Know how to take the position of another person and understand what he needs, and not you. Whoever manages to do this will have the whole world.”

In our opinion, relying on the opinion of a psychologist, the author of the concept of conflict-free communication, a speaker and a teacher is more than advisable. Of course, we will not argue if your position differs from that presented by us, because we understand you, respect your point of view, and accept the presence of different views – after all, this is the key to success.

We wish you good luck!

Source: 4brain.ru