“How to protect yourself from rudeness. 7 simple rules ”- this is the name of the book by Vladinata Petrova, the author of many materials on practical psychology. In the book, the author lists techniques and techniques that help in confronting aggressors in communication, because, unfortunately, we have to meet with rudeness and destructive behavior on a regular basis. The author claims that after getting acquainted with her system, the stress of meeting with the aggressors in your life will be much less. So, what to do to protect yourself from rudeness?
The system proposed by Vladinata Petrova is mostly focused on counteracting the content of the attack of the aggressor, and not the very fact of interference in your life. This is how the author explains the success of his system.
The system is designed to maintain the peace of mind of the person using it and is based on two principles:
- Practicing to automatism several universal techniques that relieve you of the need to be nervous, looking for the right answer.
- Transferring attention from your personality to the personality of the attacker.
In his book, the author does not make a clear division between the rules, but sequentially lists techniques that, by common features, can be combined into several groups. Therefore, we will also not make divisions, but list the main provisions of the proposed system.
Ridiculing the aggressor for assigning the role of judge
Vladinata Petrov proposes to point out to the aggressor that he has no right to judge you. Usually the aggressor does not correspond to the role that he takes on.
Put up a fence
Set boundaries for your personal space. Do not let the aggressor cross this line. Phrases like: “Thanks, but you don’t have to worry”, “We can figure it out ourselves”, etc. will help with this. But avoid the phrase “None of your business”, as it sounds rather rude.
“You are not so brave with everyone!”
If the aggressor allows himself destructive behavior in relation to only some people, notice this to him. There are always people to whom he would be afraid to say the same thing. Tell this to the aggressor, and he will at least be embarrassed.
Put up a mirror
"Do you know what you look like from the outside?" – this phrase can help you in the fight against rudeness, according to Vladinata Petrova. You can also use the Erickson method: start talking "about someone" whose behavior is very similar to the behavior of your aggressor at the moment.
Call on invisible witnesses
“How would you behave if there was …?” A striking example of this method at work are children who quickly calm down when they are promised to tell their parents about their behavior.
Don't talk about yourself
If you start talking about yourself, the aggressor will have the opportunity to use this as the basis for his jokes and barbs. If you don't say anything about yourself, there's nothing to joke about. Talk about the aggressor or people in general, in general terms.
Hint at the inadequacy of the aggressor
People with a healthy psyche and normal self-esteem will not be rude for no reason. Do not tell the aggressor directly that he is not behaving quite adequately – this will only ignite the conflict. But it is worth making a careful hint. Maybe he's really overexcited or nervous, but he can pull himself together when he realizes that.
“What you attribute to me is only in your imagination”
Repeat the reproach expressed to you and confidently report that this is only a figment of the aggressor's imagination and that these words have nothing to do with reality.
"What makes you…?"
Ask the aggressor what makes him behave this way and not otherwise? This will confuse him. Most likely, he will immediately stop his attacks.
Describe the activities that annoy you
You can neutralize many boorish antics if you simply describe them in words. Thus, you will directly point out to the person what seems unacceptable to you.
Keep your distance
“The ability to keep a distance largely lies in the ability not to utter certain words or not to perform actions that are required of you if they are humiliating for you,” Vladinata herself comments on this technique.
“Are you always like this or only on Sundays?”
By asking such a question, you will disarm the aggressor and give him reason to think. Further, everything is simple – watch the opponent's unconvincing attempts to get out.
And one more thing: do not succumb to provocations to keep the conversation in a raised tone, because this is exactly what the aggressor is trying to achieve. Don't waste your energy on such things. And try to use softer methods in the process of communication, never mimic a person and do not reproach him for something that you cannot prove, otherwise you yourself may find yourself in an unenviable position.
Now you will be able to resist the aggressor and protect yourself from verbal attack. We wish you success and good relations with others!
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