Quarrel or not?

In many families, parents try to solve all family problems quietly, without quarrels and conflicts. So it turns out that moms and dads have been suppressing dissatisfaction for years and hiding feelings, so as not to spoil the appearance of a good relationship.

Very often in such families children grow up who are not able to say “no”, to defend their point of view, to defend themselves. They sometimes become objects of aggression, fall under the influence of bad companies.

The above is not a call for frequent quarrels. We are only talking about the fact that the suppression of feelings is not only dangerous for the health of parents, but may not be the best way to affect the child.

According to psychologists, children suffer not because they see how their parents swear, but because adults often do not quite correctly appeal to them in their quarrels.

Below is a list of common parenting mistakes that should not be allowed:

• You can’t make an “argument” out of a child in a quarrel: “Sashenka, at least tell your dad so that he stops bringing me to a heart attack!”.
• You can’t use the baby to make the “opponent” feel guilty: “You don’t give a damn about my feelings, even ashamed of the child!”.
• You can’t play on the parental feelings of your partner, threaten with divorce and excommunication from the child: “If you don’t stop, I will leave, take the child and you will never see him again!”.
• It is impossible for the baby to act as a mediator, saving parents from the need to resolve the conflict on their own. For example, after a scandal, dad and mom do not talk to each other for several days, communicating through the baby: “Tell mom that dad has run out of clean shirts...” says the father, feeling guilty, hoping that mom will soften.