Parental Myths About Children's Fears

Fear is one of the most important emotions in human life. It protects us from real and potential threats, helping us react in time to dangerous situations. However, excessive or unconscious fears often lead to neurotic disorders and psychosomatic illnesses. Moreover, the ability to manage one's fears is developed in childhood, and parents play a crucial role in this process.

In this article, we will explore why children develop fears, how to avoid parenting mistakes, and how to properly respond to a child's anxious states.

The Importance of a Healthy Attitude Toward Fear

Fear is not something “shameful” or “abnormal”: without this feeling, a person would not be able to adapt to the world and survive in it. For a child, fear serves as a signal that a situation may be dangerous or unclear. If parents ignore it or, even worse, mock the child's fears, the consequences can be far more serious than just a temporary experience.

• Parental Role: it is important not to ignore a child's fears but to address them. Discussing anxious thoughts, providing reassurance, and letting them know that being scared is normal.
• Sensitive Support: a child's psyche is highly adaptable. With the right approach, parents can help their child understand the nature of their fears and learn to control their emotions.

Main Causes of Children's Fears

Experts identify three main groups of factors influencing the development of fears in children. These causes are conventionally divided by age periods related to the child's development.

1. Prenatal Stress

There is a belief that a child in the womb can “sense” the emotional state and even experience stress. Such factors include:

• Unwanted pregnancy or an initial intent to have an abortion.
• Arguments and constant conflicts between parents during pregnancy.
• Severe psychological or physical trauma experienced by the mother during pregnancy.
• Difficult childbirth with complications.

All these factors can affect the formation of the child's nervous system. That is why it is important for the expectant mother to remain calm and avoid strong emotional upheavals whenever possible.

2. Stress in Preschool Age

In early childhood, a child's psyche begins to actively interact with the outside world, and any traumatic situation can become a persistent fear. Main causes include:

• Frequent conflicts and arguments in the family.
• Illness or death of close relatives.
• Severe fright (due to sudden loud noises, accidents, etc.).
• Watching horror movies or other inappropriate content for children.
• Harsh “disciplinary” measures, where the child is punished through fear or physical force.

At this age, it is crucial to treat a preschooler's psyche with care, as this is when their fundamental trust in the world is formed.

3. Stress in School Age

When a child starts school, they face new social roles and increased responsibility, which can become a source of anxiety. The most common school-related factors include:

• A teacher yelling or publicly reprimanding the child in front of the entire class.
• Threats related to poor academic performance.
• Strained relationships with peers (including bullying and social rejection).
• Unpleasant medical procedures that the child does not fully understand.
• Attending funerals and encountering death in a real-life setting.
• Watching movies and TV shows containing violence and horror elements.

If parents pay attention to their child's emotional state, take an interest in their school relationships, and help them process fears, many issues can be resolved at an early stage.

Parental Mistakes That Worsen Children's Fears

1. “Strengthening” Through Fear

Some parents believe that leaving a child alone in the dark or deliberately scaring them will build resilience to stressful situations. In reality, such actions often lead to increased anxiety. If a child is afraid of the dark, forcing them to spend extended time in an isolated, dark space is a path to neurotic disorders, not character strengthening.

Create an environment where the child can gradually get used to their “scary things.” For example, using a nightlight, leaving the door slightly open, and talking to the child before bedtime to reassure them that everything is safe.

2. Ignoring and Dismissing

“Children's fears are nothing, they'll pass on their own!” — one of the most dangerous misconceptions. In reality, childhood neuroses are much more common than they seem. If a child complains of nightmares, experiences unexplained anxiety, or panics in simple situations, this may signal serious psychological problems.

If a child's fears do not fade but instead intensify, it is best to consult a child psychologist. A specialist can help identify the root of the problem and suggest the right way to address it.

3. Using Fear as a Disciplinary Measure

Phrases like “I'll give you away to a stranger” or “I'll leave you here alone if you don't listen” instill deep-rooted phobias in a child. This parenting model undermines the child's trust in the world and can lead to social withdrawal and, later in life, conflicts in broader society.

Instead of threats, use reasoned explanations. Talk about the consequences of actions, teach children responsibility for their behavior, but without scaring them.

4. Punishing for Fear

Punishing a child for being afraid of something only forces them to hide their emotions. In such cases, fear does not disappear but rather turns into a deeper issue, as the child stops trusting their loved ones.

Show empathy, ask why the fear has arisen, and explain that even adults get scared sometimes, but they learn how to cope with it. Working together to find a solution helps the child feel supported.

The Evolutionary Role of Fear and Its Manifestation in Children

From a developmental perspective, fear serves a protective function, helping humans avoid danger. In children, this emotion also signals that they do not fully understand the world yet and need the help of adults. In a way, a child mirrors humanity’s “journey,” where ancient people were afraid of natural phenomena until they learned to explain them.

Fairy Tales, “Scary Stories,” and Their Role in Overcoming Fears

Many believe that scary fairy tales only reinforce childhood phobias. However, practice shows that “frightening” plots can actually help children consciously manage and even overcome their fears. When a story's protagonist encounters frightening situations, children learn to perceive dangers from a distance, while a happy ending reinforces their belief in a positive outcome.

1. Transferring fears into a safe space. In fairy tales, all horrors remain within the realm of fiction, and the child can “close the book” or ask for a break.
2. Control over the situation. While listening to a story, the child learns to regulate the intensity of frightening moments since they can change the topic or discuss the events with their parents at any time.
3. Building confidence. When a fairy tale hero ultimately overcomes the villain, the child receives emotional reinforcement and learns that fear can be conquered.

To make a fairy tale truly helpful, it is advisable to choose stories where the main character resembles the child and lives in familiar circumstances. This way, the child experiences all the stages with the hero: from fear to overcoming it.

Practical Tips for Parents

1. Communicate and Listen. Regularly ask your child about their worries. Show that you are ready to listen and understand rather than judge.
2. Do Not Dismiss Their Feelings. Never say things like “Don't make up nonsense!” A child's fear feels very real to them, and they need support.
3. Create a Safe Environment. If your child is afraid of the dark, use a nightlight, provide their favorite toy, or stay close.
4. Use Fairy Tales. Read slightly scary but age-appropriate “horror” stories with happy endings so the child learns to cope with their fears.
5. Avoid Aggression and Threats. A child will not feel safe if their parents are the source of stress.
6. Monitor Their Content. Be mindful of what your child watches on TV and the websites they visit online.
7. Seek Professional Help. If fears become persistent, interfere with studies and healthy sleep, do not delay consulting a psychologist or therapist.

Children's fears are a natural part of growing up. The goal is not to completely “eliminate” their worries but to teach them how to respond properly and overcome them. This is key to developing an emotionally stable and confident personality.

Wrong approaches—punishment, intimidation, harsh “toughening-up” methods—can turn fear into a long-term psychological issue. On the other hand, sensitive support, a kind dialogue, and the thoughtful use of fairy tales help a child grow up feeling secure and confident. This is how the foundation for a balanced development and a successful future is built.