Reflections on Love and Marriage | What Determines Happiness and Longevity?

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As research shows, people who are married live longer. Nevertheless, on this basis, it is impossible to conclude that you will live longer if you get married, since the question of what is more important for longevity — marriage or happiness — is very controversial.

As we know, marriages can be unhappy. And state registration of relationships does not guarantee happiness. It is unlikely that marriage itself or an unhappy marriage can prolong life; rather, on the contrary — it will shorten it.

But the state of happiness or unhappiness has a significant impact on life expectancy. Read more about this in the article “The impact of happiness and unhappiness on our health and longevity.”

Is marriage really necessary for happiness? Why do we need relationship registration?

Official legalization of relationships is needed by people to use the law to keep and tie a partner to themselves. People believe that if the relationship is legalized, it will provide some guarantee that the partner will not leave them.

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This is only a confirmation that there is no love and trust between partners. When there is love, a stamp in the passport is not required.

After the legalization of relationships, annoying little things, claims, and grievances immediately appear. Hell is not as far away as it seems — scattered socks or a dinner not prepared on time are enough.

Recently you were ready to follow your spouse to the ends of the earth, but now you can't stand his snoring in his sleep. A joint life consists of a thousand little things, each of which can become deadly dangerous for your marriage, can destroy love and lead to a breakup.

By legalizing marriage, people begin to drift apart from each other. Attraction is lost, novelty is lost, the relationship becomes ordinary, and the celebration ceases to exist. Quarrels, scandals, mutual reproaches begin.

Only at a distance can people feel attraction to each other!

Love is not a connection. Good relationships are not a connection. It is work, it is development, it is the ability to understand and accept a partner, it is attunement to each other.

Marriage is a dead end. It is the final station. It is the end of development. When the wedding is over, the celebration is over. Gray everyday life begins. There is no joy, no enthusiasm. The further behavior of the newlyweds is the fulfillment of the obligations they have taken on.

There is nothing left but to simply coexist. The relationship continues because breaking it off would cause a lot of problems. The couple continues to put up with the familiar evil.

Love and good relationships, and therefore happiness, are never marriage, not a stamp in the passport, not religious registration of relationships. Love and good relationships are the happiness of being together. It is a celebration that never ends.

It is quite insulting to reduce the beauty of the celebration of being together to marriage, to a stamp, to a sentence to lifelong family imprisonment.

Why do lovers rush to officially register their relationship as quickly as possible?

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Because marriage implies certainty, predictability, and security. They try to secure the right of ownership to the partner. It is an attempt to create an obstacle so that parting becomes extremely difficult or practically impossible.

This happens because there is no love. There is sympathy, passion, behavior patterns and stereotypes, public opinion encouraging such behavior.

Partners think about how to tie another to themselves, but not about how to maintain feelings and good relationships, how to learn to enjoy being together and be happy.

Marriage is too easy a way out, attractive by its ease of securing a partner. Although, in fact, maintaining good relationships is a huge work. It is a fire into which you constantly need to throw logs so that it does not go out. It is a barrel from which both draw water, and into which both must pour in order for the barrel not to be empty.

Marriage is fatal in that it allows you to take the other for granted. Each partner thinks that by getting married, he has guaranteed himself a life partner, so there is no need to take care of it anymore.

Taking a partner for granted is disrespectful and humiliating.

The key to good relationships is when the cage is open, and the bird can fly away at any moment. You need to make it so that it doesn't want to!

The key to good long relationships is not in routine, not in stability and security. It is in novelty. When every day everything happens again as if for the first time, when partners try to get to know each other again every day and make the best impression.

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For love, happiness, and good relationships, personality qualities are important, not individual beautiful components of appearance. You can't love a figure, hair, or voice timbre. All these are not essential characteristics of a personality. A person in love with a voice or figure will sooner or later be disappointed.

Attaching importance to such things as eyes or hair, we see only the surface of a person. When the inner realities of two people come into contact, external components lose their meaning and the person is perceived in full, as a limitless phenomenon.

The joy of love is the exploration of consciousness. Exploring a partner, we explore ourselves, we grow. Partners become reflections of each other. Living in an eternal honeymoon is beautiful. It is an endless adventure.

Existence in marriage is ugly. Marriage is a form of exploitation of another person. In marriage, a partner is a means, while in a partner in love — it is a goal!

In marriage, both participants eventually become blind and deaf to each other. We can only love a person because he is unavailable. When the partner becomes available, love dies.

In the same way, when we are hungry, we strive for food, but at the moment we are full, food does not interest us. Similarly, partners before marriage were of interest to each other because they were unknown to each other.

In marriage, there is habituation. Relationships become a daily repetition of the same rituals and cause boredom. There can be no talk of romance. Husband and wife become just a habit that makes their cohabitation boring and at the same time prevents them from parting.

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Love is impossible at a low level of intellectual development of a person, without a high degree of awareness of one's existence. Love is a function of a highly developed being!

It is not romance, not sighs, not candy and flowers, not tears and sleeplessness and other nonsense. From love, consisting of nonsense, very soon there will be no trace left. Love is the attunement of souls and the unison of the inner worlds of two people. It is not clinging to a partner, it is vigilance, awareness, and responsibility.

You cannot create harmony by coercion, which is an official marriage. For love to live and partners to be happy — freedom is needed.

When you love — you give freedom to another and only then you are free yourself. Only in freedom does your soul grow and unfold.

There is no way to be sure of another person! You need to be confident in yourself! Who is confident in himself — is confident in the whole world.

For a long and happy life, marriage is not at all necessary, but rather harmful than useful. The state of happiness necessary for longevity should be sought in love, not in marriage. And love and marriage are not the same thing at all.

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