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Many parents believe that requests do not work on their children, only shouting helps. However, almost any healthy child responds willingly to requests if treated with respect.
Renowned psychiatrist and expert on family relationships and child rearing, Ross Campbell, writes the following on this issue:
“If parents mainly rely on orders while demanding decent behavior, the child may be obedient. But he tends to obey only because mom and dad demand it, not because he believes it's better to behave that way. He will not see his parents as allies who are acting in his best interests. The child will think that they demand good behavior for the sake of order, peace, or to be seen as good educators—in short, for their own interests.”
Some parents fear that by addressing the child with a request, they will show "weakness" and inability to stand their ground. This is, of course, not true. By addressing children with requests, parents choose the most effective, reasonable, pleasant, and delicate way to communicate their wishes. It is especially important that requests appeal to the child's sense of personal responsibility. Then the child will feel as responsible for his behavior as the parents, who believe he will fulfill their request. Having an instinctive knowledge that he has a choice in how to behave is very important for his further harmonious development.
And a little about the consequences of constant shouting from parents. Renowned psychologist and author of several popular books, M.E. Litvak, writes:
“By shouting, you won't win love, but hatred. So don't shout at those you love. Shouting makes both the shouter and the one being shouted at dumber. Shouting can quickly achieve formal compliance with your order, but it will stop a person from thinking independently and make them dumber. And what happens to the one who shouts? He gets positive reinforcement and a signal that thinking is unnecessary, that everything can be achieved by shouting, and also becomes dumber. The leader (teacher, parent) does not receive feedback from the one he shouts at, assumes everything is fine.”
